Posted on December 29, 2011

2012 is around the corner! It’s time to make New Year’s resolutions! I see the start of a new year as a perfect time to bring welcomed changes into my life. If I don’t even decide what I want to achieve, how will it ever come to me? It’s important to have enough clarity to choose the right direction, and to have enough determination to continue moving on the chosen path.

You’ve tried making resolutions before? You didn’t stick to your resolutions? It didn’t work out? Don’t feel disappointed! Resolutions made on New Year’s Eve have notoriously low success rate, so you are not the only one to fail. Then what’s the point, you ask?

This year will be different! We’ll make the resolutions the yogic way!!! I’ll share with you the secrets that will make your resolutions stickyJ I’d like to share with you a yogic method that has been used for centuries, and shaped people into heroes, and lives into fairytalesJ Seriously, it works! I, my husband and my numerous friends and yoga students are all the proof that it does!

In yogic science, all the terms are given in Sanskrit, an ancient language of wisdom. A Sanskrit word for resolution is «sankalpa», it can be also translated as an affirmation or a positive mental statement. I would like to use the word «sankalpa» rather than «resolution» as there are some important differences between the two (which make sankalpa very successful and resolution – not so much).

How to choose and formulate my sankalpa?

1. The correct formulation of sankalpa is critical to the success of its practice. So it is worth taking some time over this process.  Make an appointment with yourself to sit alone in a quiet place. Reflect on the past and dream about the future. Think about what areas of your life you would like to improve, how you might want your personality to change as well as about your goals and the purpose of your life. Write it down. You could be aiming at very specific goals or formulating how you would like to feel in general. 
2.  Next, you want to choose what’s most important out of all the goals listed and formulate just one sentence that will get us to where we want to be. There should be only ONE sankalpa which should aim at ONE goal only. Yes, only ONE. Go for quality, not quantity. Any fisherman knows you can’t catch two fish on the same hook! The same way you don’t want to de-focus the power of your mind. However, this one sentence can be so powerful that it will bring all the changes in life that you need.
3. To create your own sankalpa, don’t just ask WHAT you want to achieve, ask WHY? For example, if you want to have more money, go beyond saying, “I want to have more money because I need more cash.” Connect to something deeper. What’s behind your desire for more money? Say, you answer is to feel more confident / secure/ at peace with yourself, then your sankalpa should include «feeling confident/ secure/ at peace with myself » rather than «getting more money».When you clarify the “why” behind what you want you’ll feel much more driven and connected to your goal. Also, working on self-confidence might not only manifest more money into your life but also improve your relationships. The same way, working on security or feeling at peace with yourself might not only bring more money but it might help you to get connected to the Earth, your family, your inner self, and the life flow itself. So the result might be greater than the original goal!
4. The sankalpa should be short.  The wording should not change, even if the meaning stays the same. If you are bilingual, you also need to fix the language of the resolve. Whichever phrase and language you choose, it should always be the same, until the sankalpa is fulfilled.
5. The sankalpa should be made in the first person by using “I” or “my”. Completely different from a prayer in this sense, your sankalpa must involve you only, and cannot help to change something in another person. However it definitely can be formulated to change your attitude towards the situation around that person.
6. The sankalpa must be joyous in its essence and therefore “not/don’t/won’t/can’t” and other negative words should not be used. For example, if you desire to recover from a medical condition it should not be structured as “I am not sick”; instead a positive statements such as “My physical body is healthy and strong” or “I enjoy perfect health” can be used. Only positive language should be used.
7. It should be stated in the present tense as if it has come to fruition already. For instance, not «I will enjoy perfect health » but “I enjoy perfect health”. However, if you have some serious illness, saying “I enjoy perfect health” might sound too fake to you to experience positive feeling when you pronounce it (which is essential! but more on it in my next post). In this case you might need to modify it into «I choose to enjoy perfect health». It takes off the resistance, yet it’s much more powerful than saying «I will enjoy perfect health» (the last version will normally never come to the now, it will always stay in the future for your mind).

Let me give you another example: the statement “I will not be smoking in 3 months” is not a good sankalpa to stop smoking (negative + future tense). A better statement could be “I am free of addiction” but it contains the negative word «addiction» and has a limited therapeutic aim. By looking deeper at the roots of the problem and widening the understanding of the inner causes, one might come to a stronger and more efficient sankalpas as”I am at peace with myself»,  ”I am secure in myself”, «I resolve to take care of my body and accept it as it is today», «I trust that my Higher Self fulfils all my needs»”, “I am open to share my truth and integrity with the world», «With playfulness and humor, I raise my vibration in the world», etc.

You are welcome to read some examples of sankalpas that I offer for each chakra (energy center) on my website. Click here, and then on any of the chakra article where you’ll find suggested sankalpas at the end. Just choose one sankalpa which feels most appealing to you.

During my yoga lessons I usually recommend starting with a simple sankalpa ”I am at peace with myself”. The need for inner peace is often the «WHY» behind many desires. People might want all sorts of different things in life – to loose wieght, to find a loving partner, to be healthy, wealthy, joyful, generous, etc. But deep inside it’s all for the sake of feeling at peace with themselves. Looking from the other perspective, by re-connecting to inner peace we can be more successful in achieving any goals and reshaping direction in life along positive lines, and that, in its turn, eventually leads to more inner peace,  balance, happiness and fulfilment. That’s why «I am at peace with myself» is my all times favourite:).

While you are having fun pondering over your possible sankalpas, I’ll write my next post on how and when to use sankalpa to make it efficient and get your dream come true! I would love to hear from you if you find any difficulties, or if you simply want to share a thought. Thank you for reading! Talk to you soon!

Zoya

 27th of Dec, 2011

Love... this word has been used (and misused) for so long, and people define it in so many different ways, including into the definition a wide range of emotions that includes anything from pleasure and bliss to pain and suffering.

I think it's interesting to look at how the same idea is expressed in different languages. I like referring to Sanskrit as it presents greater depth of meaning and precision. In Sanskrit there are three different words that we can translate as «love»: kama, prema and bhakti. Kama is love that is based on sexual attraction and lust, and associates with physical craving. Prema is conventional love, which is pure enough not to be counted as kama but yet not selfless to get to the next stage, it will involve emotional craving. Bhakti is the highest form of love, unconditional and infinite, and it is commonly linked to devotion and surrender to the Divine.

It's important to understand on what type/stage of love a relationship is being based. If we talk about kama, then obviously there is no way the ego can be out of the game. It's all about satisfying one's desire. In this type of relationship one can't find peace and contentment, the ego just won't let it happen.

In case of Prema, there is deep emotional connection, to the degree when one's heart sings «I can't live without you». However, it also operates from the ego platform. That «I can't live without you» usually is followed with «You can never leave me» or «Don't you dare treat me like this» (read «you must satisfy ME»). Even if one decides to be loving and compassionate, and to do all possible to serve her/his partner, it's often just a trick of the ego to get pumped up with «I’m so selfless, I'm so good», and it eventually (if not at once) will get followed by «and you... how could you...» (again, «you must satisfy ME»). This type of relationship also brings lots of suffering as the ego can never get enough, and nothing is permanent, all is bound to constant change and the final ending at one point.

Now, Bhakti... What is this unconditional love that can last forever? As the only thing that never dies is our Soul, Bhakti is love at the Soul level. To get THIS high, we must start seeing our partner as the Soul, the Divine Self, the Cosmic Consciousness (put any other name for the Highest Self to suit your cultural background and beliefs). If there was GOD (again, use any other word if this doesn't appeal) in front of you, would you make that negative remark, would you not find time to help out, wouldn't you serve him/her well?...   I hope you got the point. Never expecting anything in return, yet giving the whole of your Self. Without holding back. Constantly. With devotion. With joy. Maybe then we can have an experience similar to Mother Teresa's who said once: « I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love».

I know we are all far from being saints, yet we can bring more Bhakti into the Prema relationship by learning to surrender our ego in devotion and humility (not humiliation), and treating our partner as a Divine Self (which he/she is anyway, as we all are!). A relationship is the best opportunity for self-development and spiritual growth. Take it! 

I don’t read many books. Somehow I feel that real knowledge can only come through my own experience. Meditation has proved to be the best tool to open the door to the wisdom source for me. In my life, the meditation came first, and then there were some books that helped me to put into the words my inner experiences and realisations. One of those books is The Power of the NOW by Eckhart Tolle – a great book I highly recommend to everyone who wants to be happy (unconditionally:).

Today I’d like to share a few quotes from this author who never fails to inspire me.

“If you cannot be at ease with yourself when alone, you will seek a relationship to cover up your unease.  You can be sure that the unease will then reappear in some other form within the relationship, and you will probably hold your partner responsible for it.”

«When you are enlightened, there is one relationship that you no longer have: the relationship with yourself.  Once you have given that up, all your other relationships will be love relationships. »
«As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person.

What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.

When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention — instead of using it as a means to an end — you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them — your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past — and are able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key.

How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything. »

Eckhart Tolle

Celebration time - it's been 7 years since I'm married! I am certainly not an expert on a man-woman relationship. After all, it's only 7 years. But somehow I feel that if we've made it through these 7 years of marriage, and came out even more in love and in tune with each other than before we tied the knot, maybe it’s worth sharing a few points with those who are in love and want to keep it up.

I have to admit that for the first years of our life together (which coincided with the first years of our marriage, as we jumped into it barely knowing each other) we constantly argued and fought our way to happiness. Now when I look back, I don't even understand how we survived through these intense times filled with blame, guilt, anger, grievance and hurt. But look at us now! People often think we are just dating, or have married recently. No one believes we've been together for so long. So what's the secret of keeping it gentle and perky?

Other than loving each other, it's primarily important to have determination to stay together, no matter what. I am lucky to have an example of my parents who are still together after 40 (!) years of their married life. So from childhood I've always thought I'll be married once and forever. If one enters marriage with the mood of trying it out, «to see if it works», the divorce is guaranteed. Every couple goes through many troubles and hard times, and that's where determination makes a huge difference.

Not less important than determination is our willingness to change, to constantly work on ourselves. And this starts with learning about yourself through your loved one. That’s why we come together, I believe, a life after life, we use our partner as a mirror that perfectly (and permanently!) reflects all we have to show. And if we might know of our pleasant sides, or love to find more of them at any time, we commonly find it difficult to accept our shortcomings, especially when this awareness comes through someone who is so dear to us. However, the moment we get closed for self-improvement, we jeopardise our marriage. Accept where you are, and do your best to become a better husband/wife.

The rest is just common sense but many of us are far from doing it. (Excuse me writing only about the way you should treat HIM, it works the same way in relation to HER (in case you are a man and reading it))

1. Try to please you loved one! Don't you love him? If the answer is yes, the truth is – you can only be happy when he is happy.  So make him happy, it equals to making yourself happy!
2. Don't expect him to make you happy. In fact, just don't expect anything. Period. When there are expectations, there are disappointments. Wouldn't you rather be surprised with something nice, than expect it and didn't get it?
3. Find joy in your family responsibilities. Transform it into your love meditation in action. May everything you do for your partner remind you of your mutual love. Serving him equals making him happy, which equals...? If you didn’t get the answer, look at point 1.
4. Make him your best friend. Trust is crucial in any relationship, especially in such intimate one as with your life partner. Talk about what matters to you (any thoughts, desires, dreams) and ask your partner advice on all you do. Also listen closely when your partner shares with you his heart, and never betray him by talking about it with others (unless he advised otherwise).
5. Never complain about your loved one to anyone except those people who can help to see the solution. Judging your loved one behind his back never brought anyone happiness. Instead why not try and see positive things in your relationship? Then talk about those things and make them bloom!
6. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said: «Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction». Dream your future together, make time (and mood) to talk about things that make you both thrive so you can choose and agree on direction that you are moving towards. 

I didn't realize I've got so many points, and I could have continued:) But that's all for now.

Well, just one more point – if at any time you've got a desire to do something opposite to recommended above, please stop and ask yourself:  Is at this moment the amount of ego in me is overpowering the amount of love?

That's what love is all about. Loving someone as yourself. Or even more! To be able to truly love (yourself or someone else), you must put aside your ego. (How to? that's a long topic for another post). But dealing with the ego is absolutely essential to finding your true self and your true love which lasts «happily ever after». 

Namaste to all who is reading my first blog:)

I’ve been considering blogging for a long while (almost two years?:), and I’m finally doing it. Yeay!:) Today is happened to be 12/12/2011, quite an interesting date. Recently we’ve had many special dates – 01/10/11, 10/10/11, 20/11/2011, 01/11/11, 11/11/11, and all of them have a specific meaning and therefore a task to perform. Honestly, I wasn’t able to “celebrate” all of them, though I believe in numerology and the fact that each number has a particular vibration and some special energy. But today is different to me –I’m doing it!

A few days ago, I saw a friend’s post on FB about the 12/12 alignment with an attached article on Divine Forgiveness and Divine Union. The part on forgiveness has clicked with me. It is something I’ve been working on for a few years. I’ve been receiving the message of forgiveness many times recently, so it feels like it’s time to finish the work! No, it is not that I have some enemies, or I hold a grudge against someone. In my case it’s more about forgiving my-Self! I haven’t killed anyone but I’m sure in some cases I could have done better… And don’t we all criticize ourselves for not being good enough, not doing enough of good things, or doing too much of bad stuff? Some people might take it easier but my «inner critic» is a strong guy, and I’ve spent much time and energy confronting him (yes, it’s him, not her:) i see him as a middle-aged man in a black suit:).  I was lucky to get help from my mentors and friends; I used Emotional Freedom Technique, Shamanic Healing, and hours and hours of meditation to getto where I am now at. However, I feel it’s not over yet. Tonight I’ll do an important step to say final «good-bye» to that unloving part of myself that holds me back from letting go of all past «mistakes» and embracing the now with openness and joy that will lead to an abundant future.

“Forgiveness” doesn’t require much effort at it is not an action. It is simply stopping of blaming someone or yourself for something. Since blaming requires energy, and forgiveness is the stopping of this action of blaming, it actually is easier to forgive than to continuously be blaming another or yourself. So all I need to do is to relax, take a deep breath in, breathe out and forgive! Then the energy that was held to feed my inner critic and the space taken by this guy who lacks compassion will get free! Yep, that’s it! Tonight is the night! Thanks to blogging I made this final decision. I’ll do it the moment I finish my writing.

Farewell my inner critic! Your space will be taken by a loving rose-cheeked woman with an open heart:)

P.S. for more on forgiveness have a look at the Anahata Chakra's healing strategy